On Success and Happiness (or on being nervous before an alumni homecoming)

It’s several more hours before I attend my very first Grand Alumni Homecoming, well actually, it IS the first grand alumni homecoming. I’m both excited and nervous, and all I can think of now are two things-a. I’m old and b. have I been successful yet? Of the two, the last question bothers me the most.
At this point in time, or rather, when you are 25, most people would start getting ready to settle down. People start thinking seriously about their careers and others start thinking of settling down, relationship-wise. By this time, most would be financially independent, and know what their path in life is.
I’ve always been a late bloomer, and I’ve always made excuses for myself. “I’ll get there someday, just give me some time to figure things out first, is what I’ve told myself and others. But there are times when I feel that I can’t say that, and feel ashamed that the world cannot accept me because I’m not like the rest- the others who have gone into brilliant careers, or are moving forward and pursuing further stidies. I feel left behind.
You see, I do KNOW where I’m headed. I have a grand plan for the future that will also be of benefit to society (what it is, I’ll keep it under wraps, first.) In fact, this big project of mine has so much support and there are amazing people who are willing to help me in making this big plan, this project, this dream a reality. So what’s my problem? Am I not getting what I want? Shouldn’t I not be happy because I feel that I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing?
My problem is that I know I’m taking huge risks. I know that in the interim, before this big project of mine reaps and earns profit, I will have to find something or somethings to help stabilize me financially, making me the proverbial ‘starving artist’ type.
My problem is that I feel that no one will understand, that this will take time to produce real fruit, and I’m afraid that there will be those who think I’m just wasting my time.
My problem is that I’m afraid that I won’t be able to do this, that it won’t be a success, that I’m not as talented as Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber or Lea Salonga, that I won’t be touted as successful by my peers.
They say that most artists think that their own work is rubbish, and think that the work of others is better, thus having a tendency of putting themselves down more often than not. This is typical of what I do to myself, more often than not. I feed of my insecurities and I keep on falling down into my little pit of despair, a pit that I dug for myself.
During these times, my sister often reminds me that I shouldn’t care what others think or say about me or what I’m doing. I should be more concerned about what God sees, if I am doing what He wants me to be doing at the moment. I am also reminded to think who exactly am I trying to please. Am I just doing this so that people will say that I am happy, that I am successful? If so, then I’m doing things for the wrong reason. Your own personal happiness and success doesn’t and will NEVER depend on your peers. Your own happiness depends on yourself alone. You don’t need anyone’s approval, well, with the exception of God. Do what you have to do, do what you plan to do. If it takes some time to get there, then so be it.
Finally, always remember that True Happiness lies with Him, and in the little blessings in life. If you think about that, then everyday will be an amazing and happy day, regardless of how successful you are or aren’t.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s